This Is Love

These two have been our rock, our steady ground, the ones we follow on this path called marriage, Randal and Alyssa.

I can still remember the first time I met them. I was 16 years old and all I wanted was to be married and have kids. I had found the one I wanted to do that with but there was that teeny tiny problem of me being 16. Anyway, when I met them, I immediately felt welcomed and loved and accepted. Randal was tough on me, he teased me mercilessly, never letting up, always trying to make me crack. I realized early on it was because it was his way of showing love, man, he must have loved me a whole bunch back then. I was an easy target though, I have to admit.

They had only been married a few years but to me they seemed so wise and together. I loved their little family. They would come almost every Friday night to visit her parents, the people who brought my beloved into the world, the ones I revered and respected. I would sit on the couch in his room and look out the window hoping that every car that I heard was theirs.

Eventually, it was their car and it would come barreling into the driveway packed to the brim and that cute little blonde girl would be sitting in the backseat. She was the apple of my eye, the one I adored. She was only two and a half but she was a bundle of sweetness and all that was good. I could see their love in her. I was so happy to see them. The house was full of noise and excitement and then they would want pizza. They would put me up to asking for pizza because they knew I would do it and they knew she would say yes. Oh, the times when ordering a pizza was a big deal. It was part of our routine and we were happy when it was finally ordered. Once the pizza was ordered, we would send the boys to pick it up, catch up on all the latest and then settle down for the viewing of this week's Star Trek. Booooorrrring. My brother loved Star Trek when I was little and we always had to watch that instead of what I wanted to watch, anything but Star Trek.

I would ask if I could give Lauren her bath and Alyssa would always so willingly agree. After her bath I would brush her hair while everyone looked puzzled as to why Lauren would let me brush her hair but no one else. I didn't pull hard, that's why. Saturday was filled with staying in pajamas for as long as possible, shopping, organizing, watching movies....it was a slower pace then.

Usually they would pack up and head home sometime on Saturday so they could be home on Sunday to go to church. We learned that from them. Going to church on a regular basis does something. It changes you, makes you better, strengthens relationships, with each other, with friends and most importantly, with God.

Early on in our marriage we realized that we needed to make a commitment to going to church on a regular basis. It wasn't "Are we going to church?" it was "What time are we leaving for church?" They were leaders in their church, so we should be leaders in our church. So much of what they did we watched and followed suit. We wanted to be like them and we were and we are and we are so thankful for their example that they have set for us. 25 years is a long time to be married these days and it's an accomplishment but I am not surprised that they have been married that long.

I'm looking forward to my 25th wedding anniversary in 6 years and I will remember that people are watching and listening and maybe, just maybe, we'll be an example as well.

A Few Things I've Learned the Last Few Weeks

Nuggets. That's what they are. They come when I'm quietly listening and sometimes they come in the wonderful craziness that is my life. I create the quiet and I create the crazy.

I love mangos. So yummy, so good but a little difficult to cut. Once you understand how the seed is shaped you can get so much more of the yummy fruit in your tummy where it belongs instead of left on that darn seed. The mango seed is flat and so you cut it differently than say a nectarine, also one of my favorite fruits.

A child's spirit is like a mango seed. It's shaped differently and once you know how it's shaped you can get so much more from it. So much more goodness and you can enjoy it instead of fighting against it. No matter how hard you try you cannot cut a mango the way you cut a nectarine. The seed won't let you. Once I realized this, I noticed I was trying to get things from my children's spirits but I was going about it my way, forcing it, and getting frustrated when it didn't come out the way I wanted. I'm working to understand the shape of their spirit and work with it instead of against it.

Here's another one. Sometimes we don't get what we want and it's a good thing. Sometimes we're not ready for what we want. We can't handle it and God knows.

I want to remodel my house so bad, you know, fix up the bathrooms, replace the flooring, get a new driveway, take out a huge tree in our yard, stuff like that. Nothing major, but all of those take money, money we don't have right now. If we did have the money and we did start all of the projects it would take me away from what I really need to be doing right now, enjoying my children and learning with them, fulfilling all of my various commitments, spending time with my husband, family and friends. Taking care of others. If all of those projects were happening, none of the other things would get done.

It's not the right time right now so I will be thankful for my bathroom with the original tile from 1974, I will be thankful for the huge mulberry tree in our yard and it's roots that are lifting my sidewalk and driveway, I will be thankful for my little bit of carpet in the living room that no matter how many times I shampoo it, it still looks dirty, I will be thankful for my dining room floor that needs to be swept and mop on a daily basis since it shows every speck of dirt.

It's all good and we can have it all. Just not all at once.