My Sister Nancy

This is my sister Nancy. She's seven years older than me and has a different dad. We do have the same mother though and that is what has kept us connected throughout our adult life. She's very different from me but the more time we spend together, the more we realize the similarities and the differences. It's funny how that happens. She did drugs at an early age but just this past year she went through a drug rehab program and cleaned herself up. She has a great attitude and it's completely changed her. I'm proud of her. She's always willing to laugh and make a joke and we remember our childhood in the same way. For some reason my brother remembers it very differently. Ours was a painful childhood that was lonely, sad, confusing and just plain wrong but God is good and I can look back and see his hand upon my life. I was never harmed, never went hungry and I was able to learn from other's mistakes. I knew at a young age I would not do drugs, I would not get a divorce, I would not let my children raise themselves, I would be different. My sister and I weren't close due to the age gap but there were times when she did things for me, like the time she made me a Halloween costume that I'll never forget. She would make desserts from cereal (there was always a recipe on the box), she taught me to ride a horse and when she was gone I would play with her plastic horses which drove her crazy. When I'm with her I feel like she is the only one who understands what my childhood was like, because she is.

Yay! New Red Couches! (Well, new to me)

I'm so excited!!! We were able to get a sleeper sofa, a loveseat, a chair and an ottoman on Freecylce and hence the name, they were free. The fabric is not so fabulous but what is fabulous is the deep red slipcovers that came with them. I love this color of red and I've wanted red couches for so long. It feels so rich and lovely instead of my boring old brown couches. They served a good purpose but it was looking so drab here in the living room. Brown walls, beige carpets and brown couches. It didn't feel happy at all and was quite depressing. Not anymore! The couches changed everything. Now I'm rearraning the whole downstairs and even part of the upstairs. I have so many more possibilities. The wall removal has been huge as well. It opened up my living room and dining room so much, it almost feels like a new place. Anyone who has ever had a sleeper sofa or even tried to move a sleeper sofa knows this-they are heavy! Bryan got it in the van with the help of the guy who gave them to us and Marcus and I helped him get it out of the van and into the garage. He didn't seem to happy to have to come home after commuting in a torrential downpour to move a very heavy couch. So the next day Marcus, Justin and I moved the couch into the living room. Well if you've ever been to my house you know that my kitchen is pretty small and the opening from the garage to to the living room is pretty narrow. We moved it and wedged it this way and that and finally got it in the living room. We took off the legs, we took of the door to the garage, we moved the refridgerator, we made some dents and scratches but gosh darnit we moved that thing. Justin had to climb under it and hold the sofa bed in so it wouldn't flop out every time we moved it. Marcus refused to give up even when I thought it was impossible. Together we did it and I was so proud of my boys. I love that attitude-that if things are hard and seem impossible try it a different way, keep a positive attitude, the end result is worth it. Justin helped me put the slipcovers on so they looked just right and I am very happy with the end result. I know my boys had a sense of accomplishment that day too. Life lesson-don't give up when things get hard, have a positive attitude, look at things in a different way, accept help, be grateful and if things are a little ugly, a nice red slipcover with all the wrinkles smoothed out will make it much better.

My baby is 6 now.

Yesterday was Breanna's 6th birthday. All moms say this but really, where did the time go? I'll tell you where it went-to the park, ice skating, to the grocery store, Target, Walmart, Gymboree, drum lessons, guitar lessons, writing co-op, science co-op, art co-op, speech therapy, well, you get the picture. Just like everyone else, we are a very busy family and one day you turn around and your baby is 6. No mom ever forgets the day she gave birth to her child but Breanna's was marked with a bittersweet experience. I had waited my whole life to have a daughter of my own. I love the boys and I was so happy to have the boys first and I had given up my dream of ever having a daughter. Before Bryan and I decided to have another child we had to get to the point where we were okay if we had another boy. We also wanted to make sure we didn't just want a baby but another child. I was so excited to have a girl. I had the room painted pink, all the dresses washed and hung, (the closet was amazing), the shoes and socks all lined in their baskets. I was ready for this little girl, or so I thought. Unfortunately I had a very young and inexperienced pediatrician on call when I delivered Breanna. She did have some breathing problems when she was born so they were looking at her more closely but then they said they needed to talk to Bryan and me alone. The room was filled with all of the special people that we wanted to share that moment with and now we had to ask them all to leave. No one wants to hear a doctor say they want to talk to you alone. Once everyone had left the doctor then proceeded to tell us that she thought Breanna might have Down's Syndrome. Well, needless to say my heart sank, my stomach turned and my huge pink bubble burst. What? How could she have Down's Syndrome? Wouldn't the level 2 sonogram have told us that? I knew in my heart that she wasn't but the damage was done, the cloud had settled, the gloom had set in. We called in my regular pediatrian and after looking her over he said in so many words that she was fine but he couldn't contradict the doctor. The test takes two weeks to get the results so we had to wait for them to call us to tell us the news. I'll never forget where I was sitting when the doctor called. It was my regular pediatrician (who was very wonderful and supportive during this time) and he told me, "She's normal, just like we thought." I knew it in my heart but it taught me a lot about myself. I learned that no matter what I would love my daughter, I would care for her, I would cherish her. No test result could change that for me. I also learned and became aware of the enormous support group that surrounds me. I would not have walked that road alone. We never walk alone. All we have to do is look up.

Molting Chickens

So our chickens are molting. If you're not familiar with that term then you either 1) have never had chickens or 2) you don't really care what it means and you don't ever plan on having chickens. Well we do have chickens, four in fact. We started out with 6 but after realizing Betsy was a rooster we shipped her off to a farm and then sadly Mary our other black chicken decided to keel off on us one day. I was reduced to tears in the chicken coop but after a few days I recovered. (Don't worry, I only spent a few minutes in the chicken coop, not a few days.) One thing about having a farm or even animals is that you learn about death real fast and real hard. Back to the molting. Molting is when chickens start losing their old feathers and begin to grow a whole new set of feathers. It's a very messy process and one that is extremely annoying for a chicken owner who relies on the egg production for her every baking need. While a chicken is molting it doesn't produce eggs. All of the chicken's energy is going towards growing new feathers. The chicken doesn't have enough energy to grow new feathers and produce eggs at the same time. I know the chickens need a new set of feathers but I have cookies to bake gosh darn it! It feels so wrong to buy eggs when I house and feed and clean up after four perfectly heathly chickens in my backyard. I believe this is when the farmer would then eat the chicken. Hey, there would be less feathers to clean up anyway. Well, we have a rule in our house and that is, "We don't eat family members." Some people would argue that we eat the eggs and those could potentially become family members. Well that's just not true. You have to have a rooster to fertilize the eggs in order for the eggs to one day becoming a cute fuzzy chick. Even if the egg is fertilized you're not guaranteed that the egg will hatch. The chicken has to be allowed to sit on her egg for a while in order to incubate it. We collect our eggs, when there are eggs to collect, every morning so there is no way one of our chicken eggs could possibly become a chick a.k.a. a family member. I did some reading on molting and chickens molt from early fall to early spring. Are you kidding me? I had no idea when we decided to have chickens that this would be the case. Well, I guess I have to let nature take its course. Not like I have a choice anyway. I've tried coaxing, yelling, demanding and even pleading but to no avail. Those darn chickens will not lay an egg for me. We have plenty of poopy down feathers all over the chicken coop though and my chickens are going to have nice new feathers for the spring. So molting. That's like getting rid of the old to make room for the new. It's a reoccuring theme. Maybe I'm supposed to learn something from all this. The thing is, while we're getting rid of the old, production may stop in other areas of our life. We don't have the energy to get rid of and produce at the same time. So sometimes we have to just work on the getting rid of part and not worry about the producing. The chickens need the new feathers to keep them warm and healthy so that when they get back to laying eggs they can do it well. When we're getting rid of the old and the new is coming in it's making sure that we're prepared for the work ahead. That we stay healthy while we're doing what we were put on this earth to do. I love my chickens and I will wait patiently for them to grow their beautiful new feathers and when the egg production starts up again I will be even more thankful for that beautiful, freshly laid egg. I love my life and I will wait patiently for whatever new is supposed to grow in my life and when the production starts up again I will be even more thankful for that beautiful new plan set out before me.

The wall is coming down!

So we live in a duet. That's a series of duplexs. Duplex houses are two houses connected together by one wall. We have wonderful neighbors and our connecting neighbor is never any trouble at all. We never really hear them but I still know that I share a wall with another family. It bothers me sometimes but overall I am extremely happy here in our house in San Ramon. We have a huge yard and we've made our home very comfortable and cozy. We've converted the garage to be a den so the kids have a place to go when they want to play their assorted video games or watch a show that we don't want to watch. We're very comfortable here. Except there was this half wall that separated the living room and dining room. It was added and is not an original part of the house so we know it's not a load bearing wall. It really cut up the two rooms and made them both feel a little crowded and closed in. I have always wanted to take the wall out and after a year of saying that I REALLY wanted it done, Bryan finally agreed and started taking out the wall. He took his time so as not to make a mess. What a guy. (I make it sound like he took forever. He didn't. It only took about two days for him to dismantle the majority of the wall.) I finally told him that I didn't care if it there was a mess because it was worth it. The wall is the start of a year long renovating process that I willing want to go through. Most people would say I'm crazy, wanting to go through remodeling. We've lived in our house for 9 years now and it really needs to be updated. We hope to sell it in a few years and I don't want the new owners to get all the benefits of our remodel. I want to enjoy it too. We don't know how long we'll be living here so while we're here, I want to enjoy my home. It has a lot of potential too. Anyway, back to the wall. My brother-in-law came and helped to finish the job. They had it done in about an hour. Who knew that a sheetrock mess would make me so happy. After some clean up, and then some more clean up and I'm sure later on there will be even more clean up, the house looks so much bigger and so much more open. I absolutely love it. I feel like I have so many more options now and the process is now started. It all began with the removal of a wall. So again, I started thinking about that cliche of tearing down walls. We all have them. Some are just half walls with windows in them but they still close off and divide. They still block a process that opens up new possibilities. The wall was put there for a reason but it's been there so long and the reason for the wall has been long forgotten. It's no longer a positive or helpful thing. It's in the way. It needs to go. You can remove it slowly and it may even be less painful and messy that way. You don't have to take a sledgehammer to it. Sometimes that does more damage than necessary. As Bryan slowly removed the wall piece by piece he was able to see how the wall was constructed. He even found the original plans on a piece of the internal workings of the wall. If we search our heart and try to discover why the wall was there and how it was built it gives us insight into how walls are built and even how to dismantle them. There will be a mess afterward no matter how careful you might be. The mess is worth it. It opens things up, makes room for other possibilities and starts a process of change that we are now willing to go through. We just have to let the Carpenter take us apart piece by piece. He'll be gentle if we're but willing.

Breanna lost her first tooth!

Breanna finally lost her first tooth the other night. It had been loose for so long but she just couldn't get it to come out. We tried all the things we could think of-we pulled, we wiggled, we even tied some floss to the tooth and the other end of the floss to the door and tried to slam it shut. The floss just slipped right off the tooth. Then I looked closely at the tooth and I could see the new tooth coming in right behind it. I knew that tooth needed to come out to make enough room for the new tooth to come in straight. With one kid in braces already I certainly don't want another in braces anytime soon. We went to a birthday party and one of my friends whom I have known for many years and has several children of her own noticed Breanna's loose tooth. She asked Breanna if she could pull it and then gave it a good turn. Well, you know what happens when you turn a loose tooth-it bleeds!! Breanna was a little frightened by the sight of her own blood but then she got excited because she knew it was going to come out. Finally after fiddling with it for a few minutes, out it came in her hand. She was so excited! We came home and put it in her tooth pillow for the tooth fairy to exchange for money. She found her dollar in the morning and immediately put it in her wallet to save. I started thinking about her tooth. Sometimes we have things that we need to get rid of to make room for the new. It needs enough room to come in correctly so that it doesn't have to be fixed later on. That old thing can't stay there for too long. It's dead, it needs to go, it's served it's purpose. We try so hard on our own to get it out ourselves but really what we need is someone else to give us a tug, a pull, a turn, a new perspective. That's what friends are for. We have them in our lives to keep us going in the right direction. They see a way out that we may not see. Breanna had to trust that mom that whatever she did it was going to be what was best for her. She knew that it might hurt but she wanted to get to the next stage. She wanted the reward. Sometimes we're not willing to listen though. It might hurt. I might have to give something up. The reward doesn't seem worth it yet. God has rewards for us and He's just waiting for us to trust Him. He's waiting for us to give up what isn't good for us anymore and get to the next stage. We just have to open up wide and trust His hand.