It's my birthday, ya!

39. Just a simple number but when you see it written and it represents your age it's a little strange. I'm not sad that I'm getting older. I like it actually. I like where I'm at in life. I love that I've been married almost 19 years. I love that I have an almost 15 year old. I love that we've lived in our house for 11 years. I love that I have friends I've known for 27 years. Those are all things I didn't think I would ever have when I was a little girl. If you would have told me at 10 where I would be at 39 I would not have believed you. It's so much better than I could ever have asked or imagined. I am blessed and looking forward to 40 but for now, I'll just enjoy 39.

You Ran the Race

Big Marcus passed away yesterday around 9:00am. He is the man we named our first born son after. I knew as soon as I met him that we if we ever had a son we would name him Marcus and we did. Little did we know that Big Marcus would live for another 20 years and get to see Marcus grow into a young man.

I was only 17 years old when I met him. He was one of Bryan's best friends and he had just recently been diagnosed with Hunington's Disease. At 6ft 7in. tall he was most impressive when he entered a room or attempted to exit a car, especially Bryan's little red Nissan Sentra. His legs were so long I'm still not sure how he fit in that car but he did. I can still remember him coming to Bryan's parent's house and having to duck under the archway that led to their front door. I went to shake his hand and he embraced me. My head was at his belly button, I kid you not. He wasn't loud or obnoxious but he did have a bit of a mischievious look in his eyes. He was always smiling and making jokes.

As soon as Bryan and I were engaged we knew we wanted him in our wedding. In a strange twist of fate we realized that Stephanie had a family connection to Marcus and I knew they would walk together at our wedding and they did. The subtle signs of the disease were there then but you had to really know him to notice.

Four years after our wedding we had our first child and surprise, it was a boy! A boy hadn't been born in Bryan's family since Bryan, almost 30 years. We knew his name immediately and we couldn't wait to tell Big Marcus! As soon as possible we went to Lodi to show big Marcus little Marcus. He held him in his huge arms and the cameras went crazy. Such a special momment. The signs kept coming, no more playing basketball, no more driving a car, no more riding a bike and yet he continued to surpass his doctor's expectations on what he could do. He could swim, he could work out, he could help in classrooms with younger kids, he could mentor other young men, he could give back.

Our Marcus continued to grow and Big Marcus continued to be a part of his life. As our family grew so did our schedule and we saw him less and less, however he did get to go to Maui with us when Marcus was only 2. What a special time for the two of them. We have tons of pictures of that time and a very special video to mark that occasion.

And then the time came for him to be placed in a care facility. His couragous mother could no longer care for him because he was so tall and yet so week. He had almost lost all balance. It was his suggestion.

And there he stayed for several years, slowly losing all control of his body but not his mind. His mind was all there. With an incredible support system he continued to do well all the while losing what you and I take for granted. The ability to stand, eat, talk, blink, hug, the list goes on.

We got the call last week from his mother that he was longer receiving food. His digestive system wasn't working anymore and it causing severe discomfort for him. Marcus wanted to see him one more time and he wanted pictures to mark the moment. I had just received my new camera and I am so thankful for that gift.

When we arrived, I knew immediately that I couldn't take pictures of them together, it would be disrepectful to him and his family. Luckily, his personal belongings surrounded him and I found several things with his name on them. Marcus found a scripture for Marcus and wrote him a goodbye note, placing it in his Bible for them to find.

I'm proud of the man Marcus is becoming and it showed that night as he said goodbye to a man he looked up to and honored. A man who never complained about what he was dealt but instead chose to face the challenges ahead with dignity and determination. We are honored to have known him and he will never be forgotten.

The Arrival

Aubrey LaRay Dimmick arrived on Wednesday, February 23, 2011 at 1:00pm and I was there.

I was there when her mother delivered her and she was placed on her mother's chest. I was honored and priveledged to place her first bow on her head when she was just minutes old. I was able to hold her and snuggle her and dress her when she was just hours old.

Jessica and William were so gracious to let me be a part of something so special and I will be eternally grateful. It's a big deal to let someone in your birthing room. It's something that is so private and so intimate that only a few are ever allowed to do it. Besides the medical professionals of course, but they still don't take it lightly and know that birth is a miracle and an amazing thing to witness even if they have seen it a thousand times.

If you know me, you know I love babies, but not just babies, I love fresh-out-of-the-chute babies. Newborns are what I love, the tinier the better. Of course I love baby girls but newborn baby boys are so sweet and innocent. There isn't another time in their life when they are that sweet and innocent and quiet again so I know it's precious.

Jessica knows that this is really my baby, not hers. I just let her give birth to her, care for her, feed her, stay up with her, but she's mine, all mine. We had fun when the lactation consultant asked who I was and we said I was the mother and Jessica was just the birth mother. You should have seen the look on her face. Priceless.

All joking aside, I love this baby and I look forward to the moments when I can hold her and smell her. Newborns smell like heaven, literally. I want to buy her things and bless her. I anticipate the time when her mother will walk into church and I know I get to hold her.

I realized that this is how God feels about us. He's just waiting for us to arrive so He can hold us, bless us, inhale us. He wants to show us off as He holds us in His arms. He's proud of us. We're His. Those mornings when our bed is too cozy to get out of, when our head is just too heavy, when the weight of the day seems like too much, those are the times God is waiting. He's not mad when we don't meet him, maybe just disappointed that He didn't get a chance to be with us. He wants to world to know that He's holding us and that we're beautiful and cherished.

I view my time with God a little differently now that Aubrey is born. I know He's waiting and I know a fraction of what His heart does when we arrive to be with Him. Thanks Aubrey.