This girl turned seven today. I can still remember when they placed her in my arms and then gently asked for her back. The nurses took a long time looking at her and fussing with her. They were talking quietly to each other and after a while it bothered me. I wanted my baby, my princess that I had waited for my entire life, the girl who would fulfill all my dreams of bows, and shoes, and dresses and tights and dolls and tea and so much more.
They finally did give her back and left the room only to return shortly after. The room was filled with family and friends who were lovingly passing her back and forth, snapping photos and then she started crying. She wanted her mommy. Once she was back in my arms the doctor, who was the pediatrician on call that day, said they needed to speak with us alone.
A sudden hush filled the room and slowly everyone left the room except Bryan and I. She said she would never forgive herself if she didn't say something. She thought Breanna had Down Syndrome. Everything after that I failed to hear. What? How could this be? Why wasn't this found on the Level 2 ultrasound done at five months? I didn't understand and then I started to shut down. I went numb. People slowly came back to the room, only those who were very close to us and asked what the doctor had said. We explained what they said knowing it was ridiculous but it still rocked my world.
Suddenly I didn't want to hold my baby. It was just Kelly and I sitting in the room. I don't know why it was just the two of us but it is so clear in my mind, that time with her. She declared health over my baby and then told me to hold my baby. I did and then Kelly said the funniest thing I have ever heard. She said, "That doctor just doesn't like hobbits!" Breanna had splayed toes (one of the symptoms of DS). Several people in Bryan's family have splayed toes. Lord of the Rings had just come out. Hobbit were big at the time and very popular. It made me laugh and that was important at that moment.
No matter what, she was my little girl. I went deep within myself and asked God if she had Down Syndrome. He said to trust Him. I did. Even though I had that reassurance I still doubted. They came in and took blood from my precious girl to send to the lab for tests. This test takes a full week to get the results. That meant we had to wait for a week to know. I knew, but I constantly dealt with fear. I also knew that if for some reason that test came back a certain way, she would be the cutest Down Syndrome Baby you had ever seen. I would love her no matter what.
Well, of course we got the results and she did not have DS. It was a long five days but five days I will never forget. I learned a lot about myself, about God and those around me. We have an incredible support system in place. They are there for the good, the bad and the ugly.
This little girl has blessed me beyond what I could ever ask for or imagine. She is everything I had hoped for and so much more. She completes me, she completes our family and my world is filled with so much pink that I overflow with love and joy and pride for this little girl.
I cannot think of her birth day without those very difficult moments and hours when we thought we might have a special needs child. I am thankful for them. It gave me clarity. It was a gift. She is a gift.
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