Mother's Day

Mother's Day. It's a beautiful day, one that I look forward to with anticipation and excitement. Everyday is Mother's Day for me though. My husband spoils me on a regular basis and my children make my heart happy every day.

Sometimes I just stop and look at them for a few minutes especially when I see something I recognize, something that tells me they're mine. Like the smallest one who cries at the drop of a hat. I remember a little girl who would cry if you looked at her wrong or raised your voice. But she was also a girl who could withstand an incredible amount of instabibilty in her life and push through the hard times.

Or the middle one who knows exactly what he doesn't want but isn't so sure of what he does want. I remember a kid who would drive her mother crazy when she would take her shopping for clothes. No matter what her mom picked out, she didn't like it, simply because her mom picked it out. That kid grew up knowing exactly what she didn't want for her life and eventually figured out what she did want.

And the oldest one who has clear defined interests and follows them and then changes directions after learning it may not be what he really wants. I remember a girl who wanted to be an astronaut but decided she wanted to be a wife and mother more.

My children are my heart and I love being a mother. I've always wanted to be a wife and mother and I wanted to do it in that order. God granted me my deepest desires and for that I am so grateful.

Slip-N-Slide

Ahh...the promise that summer is on it's way. Those warm May days when you open all the windows and let the warm breeze waft through the house. That momment when you realize the air outside is better than the air inside that now suddenly smells stale and old.

Time to drag out the slip-n-slide, let the little girl put on her new bathing suit and watch her run over and over and then jump willingly onto a brightly colored piece of plastic covered in a sheet of cool, refreshing water straight from the hose.

Sunshine, spraying water, bright colors and an adorable little girl. All the makings of a good picture plus I haven't tried out my camera in full sunshine with the added element of water. I was not to be dissapointed.

I'm amazed at the ability of my camera to capture the water droplets in mid-air.

Water, it's so simple yet it can be one of the most beautiful things in the world. Kind of like our love for our children. It happens the moment you first lay eyes on them, the faucet of our heart is instantly turned on, flowing freely, sometimes sparkling and glimmering in the sun and at other times soothing and healing and life giving. In all the busyness of life I want to stop and remember and capture these moments. These are the ones they'll remember and I want to remember them too.

Remodeling

Oh, remodeling. It starts with lighting and then you find yourself sitting in the living room with your feet on a cold cement floor with the furniture all moved to one spot in the house. You can't find anything and it all seems a little overwhelming especially since Easter is only 5 days away and you have a house full of people coming.

It's all good and it's what I wanted so I'm happy to see and hear and smell it all. I was so happy to rip out the 1974 harvest gold and avacado green linoleum out of my entire dining room but man did it smell and the glue they used back then, I can think of a few good uses for it, not on flooring that someone else will have to spend hours ripping out.

Painting with three kids was a breeze and they were all so helpful. I'm not sure I would have accomplished so much without them. Even Breanna was helpful. Justin and I ripped out the carpet in the living room and Marcus took out all the border wood that had nails sticking up. Give that boy a hammer and a crow bar and he can get things done. I love it.

Breanna and I took out the wood plank flooring in the dining room and kitchen and Marcus carried it out outside for us. Then the scraping and pulling and groaning started. Underneath the wood plank flooring was beautiful, fabulous, oh-so-instyle linoleum. Not. Luckily we have this great tool that scrapes and pushes it from underneath so you can get a big chunk and pull with all your might. If you're lucky it comes up in big strips.

There is this one stubborn spot almost in the middle of the floor that just wants to hold on. I tried different angles and was able to chip away at it little by little but I finally had to give up since my arms and hands were hurting so bad from all the other work I had done.

But, if there's one thing I am, it's determined. I will remove that chunk of linoleum, I will.

Remodeling is disruptive, it's messy, it's exhausting, and it can be overwhelming. Kind of like when life happens and things are shaken up a bit. When things are moved or ripped up we can see the hidden dirt underneath. Sometimes it has been there for so long it starts to smell. Sometimes there are layers that need to be removed and there is this one spot, right in the middle that has been protected and the glue has been preserved. It's a tough one. One we don't want to let go of.

I don't want to be so stubborn and determined that my heart is hardened to the good things that God has in store for me, to prosper me, not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. I have good plans for this floor but I have to remove that stubborn spot before new flooring can be installed. I cannot lay beautiful new flooring over a spot of old linoleum just like God cannot give us good things when we refuse to give up that one thing we're holding onto the most. It wouldn't make sense to lay something so beautiful and new over something so old and worn out. Every time you walk on that spot, you would feel what's underneath. It would be a constant reminder that something that was old, outdated and not useful or beautiful anymore was still there. It would remind me that the job wasn't done. I want the job done.

Makena Beach

Brandon, Nicole and Makena came up to visit us. Brandon was on leave since they just moved from Alaska and are on their way to Seattle. Having them in Alaska was like having them in another world. It's so difficult to get to Alaska and we're so thankful to have them in the "lower 48" now. Makena spent the night with us and oh darn, she didn't have the right shoes for church. I had no choice but to head to Target to get her new dress shoes. Oh, wait, did I just see matching dresses for Breanna and Makena? Well, yes, I did. I guess I better get them. It was bound to happen since I'm a sucker for matching dresses. I love when little girls match, right down to their bows.

This girl is smart! She continually amazed us with her wit and charm and how much she resembles her mother, beautiful, funny, friendly, sweet, loving, caring, inquisitive.

We took her to see Willy Wonka and I asked her what her favorite part was. She said when the girl blew up like a huge strawberry. She sat through the entire performance and didn't make a peep. We had so much fun with her and we look forward to when they come back to visit.

Willy Wonka, the Amazing Chocolatier!

The boy has found his passion. He's not the one we thought would go into theater and love to be on a stage but he did and he does.

This was his third play and when he found out it was Willy Wonka he set his sights on the highest prize, the lead role. Some didn't think he would get the part, but I had a feeling he would. He's tall, he's lanky and strange things come out of his mouth, sounds like Willy Wonka to me. We did get him a few acting and voice lessons to help him out and they did pay off. We looked up his first piano teacher, and she made all the difference. I'm glad we had her.

He loves every minute of theater, the rehearsals, the costumes, learning lines, everything, even the director who is a bit short with the actors at times, okay, most of the time, but it doesn't seem to bother him.

We are so proud of him. We're proud of all of our kids. We love it when they find something that they're interested in, something that motivates them, brings out the best in them. He found it.

It's my birthday, ya!

39. Just a simple number but when you see it written and it represents your age it's a little strange. I'm not sad that I'm getting older. I like it actually. I like where I'm at in life. I love that I've been married almost 19 years. I love that I have an almost 15 year old. I love that we've lived in our house for 11 years. I love that I have friends I've known for 27 years. Those are all things I didn't think I would ever have when I was a little girl. If you would have told me at 10 where I would be at 39 I would not have believed you. It's so much better than I could ever have asked or imagined. I am blessed and looking forward to 40 but for now, I'll just enjoy 39.

You Ran the Race

Big Marcus passed away yesterday around 9:00am. He is the man we named our first born son after. I knew as soon as I met him that we if we ever had a son we would name him Marcus and we did. Little did we know that Big Marcus would live for another 20 years and get to see Marcus grow into a young man.

I was only 17 years old when I met him. He was one of Bryan's best friends and he had just recently been diagnosed with Hunington's Disease. At 6ft 7in. tall he was most impressive when he entered a room or attempted to exit a car, especially Bryan's little red Nissan Sentra. His legs were so long I'm still not sure how he fit in that car but he did. I can still remember him coming to Bryan's parent's house and having to duck under the archway that led to their front door. I went to shake his hand and he embraced me. My head was at his belly button, I kid you not. He wasn't loud or obnoxious but he did have a bit of a mischievious look in his eyes. He was always smiling and making jokes.

As soon as Bryan and I were engaged we knew we wanted him in our wedding. In a strange twist of fate we realized that Stephanie had a family connection to Marcus and I knew they would walk together at our wedding and they did. The subtle signs of the disease were there then but you had to really know him to notice.

Four years after our wedding we had our first child and surprise, it was a boy! A boy hadn't been born in Bryan's family since Bryan, almost 30 years. We knew his name immediately and we couldn't wait to tell Big Marcus! As soon as possible we went to Lodi to show big Marcus little Marcus. He held him in his huge arms and the cameras went crazy. Such a special momment. The signs kept coming, no more playing basketball, no more driving a car, no more riding a bike and yet he continued to surpass his doctor's expectations on what he could do. He could swim, he could work out, he could help in classrooms with younger kids, he could mentor other young men, he could give back.

Our Marcus continued to grow and Big Marcus continued to be a part of his life. As our family grew so did our schedule and we saw him less and less, however he did get to go to Maui with us when Marcus was only 2. What a special time for the two of them. We have tons of pictures of that time and a very special video to mark that occasion.

And then the time came for him to be placed in a care facility. His couragous mother could no longer care for him because he was so tall and yet so week. He had almost lost all balance. It was his suggestion.

And there he stayed for several years, slowly losing all control of his body but not his mind. His mind was all there. With an incredible support system he continued to do well all the while losing what you and I take for granted. The ability to stand, eat, talk, blink, hug, the list goes on.

We got the call last week from his mother that he was longer receiving food. His digestive system wasn't working anymore and it causing severe discomfort for him. Marcus wanted to see him one more time and he wanted pictures to mark the moment. I had just received my new camera and I am so thankful for that gift.

When we arrived, I knew immediately that I couldn't take pictures of them together, it would be disrepectful to him and his family. Luckily, his personal belongings surrounded him and I found several things with his name on them. Marcus found a scripture for Marcus and wrote him a goodbye note, placing it in his Bible for them to find.

I'm proud of the man Marcus is becoming and it showed that night as he said goodbye to a man he looked up to and honored. A man who never complained about what he was dealt but instead chose to face the challenges ahead with dignity and determination. We are honored to have known him and he will never be forgotten.