It's been a little over two months

My mother has been gone for a little over two months and while I felt the approaching two month mark, I felt that I was the only one who noticed. I'm sure I'm not the only one who noticed although I didn't notice when other people had been gone exactly two months. But she was my mother.

I miss her and I didn't know why at first. I finally figured it out. I miss knowing I have a mother. I don't miss the guilt of feeling like I need to call her. I don't miss the crazy phone conversations that made me feel confused and frustrated, but I do miss knowing she is here.

These girls helped me get through the tough day of the memorial.  It was held in a bar which seems fitting for my mother. She loved to eat there and they knew her by name. It was strange for me but I wanted to honor her last wishes and that was to give her a party, not a funeral.

These girls along with my husband kept me laughing, supported me and knew just the right thing to say at just the right moment.

Her sister Mary. My closest connection that I have with my mother. There was a time when they were close but time, distance and life choices created a gap between them. I'm grateful that she and her husband made the trip down to California for the memorial.

Oh, my brother and my sister. The only other people in this entire world that understand and know my childhood. No on else knows what it was like. Regardless of how close we are or what we agree on or disagree about, there is a connection.

Her cousin Elizabeth and her brother Terry. She loved them both so much and they loved her. They accepted her and she knew she could call on them.

Kelly girl. Always there to make me laugh. Always there when I need her, no matter what.

And Steph. Although time, life choices and circumstances have tried to pull us apart, there will always be a connection between us. With these two by my side, along with my husband, I can do anything. They have all known me for so long and they know how I tick. I'm so grateful to feel carried by so many people during a difficult time.

Donna Kay

My mother passed away on Wednesday, February 6, 2013 at 7pm, 3 days before her 68th birthday. My mother is dead. What harsh words. I don't have a mother anymore. While that is sad, she didn't hold a large place in my life, mostly by her choices but in the last several years, by my choice. I choose to surround myself with healthy, postive people, people who make good life choices and work on having healthy relationships. My mother had a hard time doing that. And while the grieving heart does play tricks on the mind, I am still aware that not much will change for me. I am sad. Sad that she's gone. Sad that she won't see any of my kids get married or having babies. Sad that she didn't know how to be a healthy person and have a healthy relationship.  

She was beautiful and amazing to other people. I wish we knew the amazing person that everyone says she was. She was stubborn, determined and full of crazy ideas. Some of those ideas actually came to fruition and I know where I get my stubborness.   I forgive her for dying. I forgive her for not taking care of herself. I forgive her for giving up. I forgive her for the bad choices she made. And while I do have regrets, I will move forward and let go of them. I will focus on the people who are still here and be the mother she probably wanted to be but didn't know how to be.

I know, 5 months.....

I'm embarrassed that it has been five months since I have written. I think about writing all the time but I always find myself so far behind on so many things that I don't feel like I can sit down and write a blog. I absolutely love following blogs and I am always sad when someone stops writing regularly.

I've had to prioritize so many things and even the important things don't get done most of the time. I'm learning that saying no means saying yes to something and saying yes means saying no to something. I don't like saying no because I don't want to disappoint or let someone down but I'm also realizing that saying yes means I said no to someone else. I can't really win so I just keep going back to my priorities and making sure that my choices and decisions line up with them.

I keep reminding myself that I went into this school year two months behind and we had a major life change happen as well. My dad moved in with us in August and while it has been mostly wonderful there is no denying it has added to my responsiblities. I had them before but they were a little easier to ignore and neglect, not so anymore.

This is what I want and I am so thankful that it is the way it is. If I was to be completely honest with myself I would admit that I am completely overwhelmed, overcommitted, overscheduled and over everything. But if I was to continue to be completey honest with myself I would also admit that I love my life. I love being busy. I love having commitments, long to-do lists, huge responsiblities and people counting on me.

 I am so completely and utterly blessed beyond measure. I have so much, so much abundance that I cannot contain it all. I have so many friends that I don't have enough time to see them all. I have so many ideas that I cannot do them all. I have so many projects that I cannot complete them all. I have so many places I want to go but I cannot get to them all. What a wonderful problem.

So I will continue to work towards being more organized, managing my time better, being better prepared for each day, keeping my priorities in line and constantly having a grateful heart. The last part is not so hard to do.

Here are a few highlights from the last 5 months:

Lauren and Mike's wedding in October

Marcus as King Triton in The Little Mermaid in November:

Thanksgiving at our house:

Christmas, yes, there were iPhones, more on Christmas later though:

More to come, I promise.

Summer, you have gone too fast

Wasn't it just last August that we were finishing up our summer of 2011 and gearing up for the upcoming 2011-2012 school year? Well, here we are again. Same pool, same kids but this time we had the added treat of celebrating a birthday girl. A girl we don't get too see that much anymore because I'm sure it's like swimming with gators when you're surrounded by teenage boys. She's beautiful and lovely and I enjoy seeing her. I remember these kids when they were 5,6,7 and 8. That wee little girl was just a sparkle in her daddy's eye. They have grown together, laughed together and schooled together. Life is about to change for all of us and it is inevitable. Ready or not, here we go! These kids are sure to make a big splash in life. They won't just cause a little ripple on the world, no, they'll all do big things and I'm looking forward to it. I love this kid like my own and I hope that his future still includes us. This one is my own, there's no denying it. This one is growing up despite my desire for everything pink. They were pretending to be in Hawaii and they're doing a good job. I love them all and I'm so thankful I decided to join them for ice skating 10 years ago. It has made all the difference in the world. y

It's Done

She finally said yes! I have been asking her since she could walk if she wanted her ears pierced and she has always said no. Not even a pause to think about it, just always no. I always said that when she was ready we would get them pierced. I just didn't realize that it would take her this long to say yes. We were cleaning her room and she found an earring. She asked what it was and then I asked if she wanted her ears pierced. Expecting her to say no, she paused and said yes. We dropped everything and headed straight to the mall, picked out her earrings, and signed my life away. Then it was time to get in the chair. I could see the fear in her eyes and I had that moment of intense mommy guilt. The kind where you ask yourself what the heck am I doing? Why am I subjecting my young daughter to a sharp needle in each ear all in the name of beauty? Then the lady pierced the first ear and of course there were tears. I felt so bad but I also felt like there was no turning back. The other ear was done and I tried to console her but she was hesistant. Gone are the days where she wants or needs me to hold her to make her feel instantly better. I convinced her to let me hold her and of course I promised a treat as a distraction. Like frozen milk products can make up for a permanent hole in both ears. Yes, the mommy guilt persisted. Of course she was fine after a few minutes and I do love seeing her with earrings. I'm so glad this day has finally come and I am so glad it's over.

A Night to Remember

Prom. It started with an idea, well, a stolen idea, but a group of us went to a homeschool dance in Burlingame and knew we could do it for our homeschool group. We had a family dance because that's how homeschoolers role, family style. But when it came time to plan the Spring dance the idea came up that it be for teens only. Once we decided to go in that direction, the rest is history. As you can see from the pictures. A certain someone felt that it was very important to have a date and not just any date. He had an idea of what his prom should look like and he was not happy when it looked like it was going to all fall apart. But this girl, she was a sight for sore eyes. Simply stunning. To make it even more special, Sam and Sami came too. Marcus and Sami are 4 months apart and raised like brother and sister instead of just cousins. They've always had a special bond and we adore her boyfriend Sam. It's like having a twin of Marcus. Most of the time that's great. Most of the time. It was fun to watch these two. A perfect lady and a gentlemen. Both of my sons made me very proud that night. DJ B and MC Matt were in the house! These two make a great team. I never get tired of seeing these two together. It was definitely a night to remember and I am so thankful to belong to such a wonderful homeschool community. Great things happen when parents come togther to make something happen for their kids. These kids know that.